Why Hasn't My Ex Come Back Yet?

It's understandable that you are impatient and wondering why your ex hasn't come back yet.

Though some coaches, friends, family, and other well-meaning (or otherwise) people might be critical or condescending that you are still struggling with thinking about your ex, I'm more in touch with reality and human nature.

In fact, I'll even say that if you are struggling getting over a breakup and still hurting from your ex leaving you, you are more likely to be emotionally a healthy person than someone who could just move on in a snap.


Because it is the unhealthy psychologically and emotionally who can just flick a switch and get over someone they love.

When that can be done quickly and easily, the individual was not committed to the person and relationship and hadn't developed a "feeling of family" for the other person.

For a short relationship, that's not so bad and is more on the healthy side, but for a long term relationship, being able to simply walk away suggests deep psychological and emotional disfunction.

So congratulations!

If you are struggling to get over your ex or separated spouse, it likely means that you can develop strong emotional bonds with other human beings, commitment, and real love.

This means you likely are not a sociopath or narcissist.

So as a relationship coach of two decades, I give you my permission to stop beating yourself up, feeling guilty, and/or being discouraged because you aren't yet able to walk away from your ex and the relationship as though it meant little to you.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to talk about the reasons that your ex hasn't come back to you yet and why you haven't gotten your ex back yet.

Reasons You Haven't Gotten Your Ex Back

1. Not enough time has passed.

Remember those stages that your ex goes through during no contact that I talk a lot about?

I'm serious about those.

If your ex hasn't progressed far enough into those stages, that's why they haven't come back to you yet.

Some people take longer than others and if there are other difficult or challenging things going on for your ex as well, the timing can be thrown off.

Allow your ex the time to go through those stages and for the right amount of reflection to get to where they need to be to come back to you.

Remember, take things one day at a time.

2. Your ex is fighting himself/herself

Your ex has reached that stage where they are concerned, or even afraid, that they could permanently lose you.

That's a good thing and what has to happen in order for your ex to be gotten back.

Your ex misses you and wants to get back together with you, but, it's possible that your ex is fighting themselves.

It could be stubbornness.

It could be that they don't want to give you a perceived "victory," due to them feeling you have wronged them.

If you have apologized for something genuinely wrong or hurtful that you did to your ex, your odds are still strong that you can get your ex back.

But don't make apologizing a constant.

Once you have apologized sincerely once or maybe twice, continuing to do so turns into something that looks a lot like begging or trying to force your ex to take you back.

Once or twice is plenty.

Now time has to play its part in getting your ex back.

It's also possible that your ex is faking or pretending to be over you.

3. Your ex has reflected and come to the conclusion that they don't want you back.

I know, this isn't at all what you want to read or think about.

Though it's actually less likely than some of the other reasons I've mentioned, it is a possibility.

What's interesting is that even if your ex has come to this conclusion, it's doesn't mean that it's permanent.

People change their minds all the time.

I've seen it happen years later.

Sometimes it doesn't work out because the other person has moved on, but sometimes both people are open to it and end up getting back together.

4. You broke no contact which delayed them.

That's right, it always seems to come back to that.

If you broke down and broke the no contact rule, it's not the end of your chances of getting your ex to come back to you, but it can delay things.

It happens and I'm not going to lecture you about what happens when you break the no contact rule.

However, if that happened, it could have restarted the process and moved back the timeline concerning realistic expectations of when your ex is likely to come back.

So this particular reason is more of an update to you getting your ex back and not necessarily something that greatly reduces the odds.

This post is coming soon...in the meantime, watch the video above all the way through to learn potential reasons why your ex hasn't come back to you yet.

5. Your ex isn't sure that you would forgive them and want to be with them again.

Sometimes an ex will assume that because he or she broke up with you that you wouldn't want them back.

Some people are that way.

They post on my channel things like, "An ex is an ex for a reason."

In their minds, if someone breaks up with you, you should never ever take them back no matter what.

Obviously this is still a free country (and many countries are still free) so you can live your life with your own opinions and in your own way, but that also means that others can as well.

So they are free to have a different view on it.

For some people, committed relationships deserve another chance even if the other person leaves.

No one is perfect and sometimes people make mistakes even when it comes to making decisions for themselves or knowing what they want.

Again, it's your business.

I do recommend my post, "Should I give up or fight for my ex?"

I also suggest opening this post in a new tab and reading it as well: "My ex seems happy after the breakup."

The bottom line is that there are plenty of potential reasons that your ex hasn't come back to you yet and it's not necessarily or even likely that it's they are definitely done and will never be open to being with you again.

One day at a time.

If you want a POWERFUL guide to get your ex back where I walk you through the process, get my Emergency Breakup Kit.

I truly wish you the best.

-Coach Lee
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