Should you date during no contact?
Sometimes after being broken up with, people think that making their ex jealous is key to getting them back.
While your ex feeling jealous is certainly helpful to getting them to want you back, and there are ways to make your ex feel jealous, if your ex is under the impression that you are trying to make them feel jealous, it will only make you look manipulative and weak in their eyes.
And you will push your ex further away which means your odds of getting them back will dwindle significantly.
Some people are even misguided into thinking that they should go on dates as quickly as a couple of days after a breakup in order to "show their ex."
What this really shows your ex is that you are either incredibly shallow for simply flicking a switch to someone else so soon or that you are being manipulative by trying to make them see you with someone else in order to create feelings of jealousy in them.
Do you really believe that going on a date with someone that soon after a breakup sends the right message to your ex?
Or that it will make them want to get back together with you?
What it will likely do is make your ex see you as a shallow person.
They'll probably assume they meant little to you and could even wonder if you were seeing this person while the two of you were together.
For example, what if your ex saw you kissing another person only a couple of days after the breakup?
It might cause them to believe you were cheating on them with that person while the two of you were together.
So be fair to yourself and your ex by using the first month of no contact to work on yourself and be with friends and family.
You aren't ready for another relationship anyway and if you want your ex back, you don't want to demonstrate to them that you are a shallow person.
That is the recipe for a permanent breakup, not a reunion.
I'm not saying never date while you are in no contact.
As I mention in the video above (scroll back up and watch if you haven't) I usually suggest waiting for at least one month and then, if you feel that you want to date, do so.
I'm assuming that you want your ex back. But if you feel that you really want to date other people, you might be ready to move on.
Even if you don't feel that you are ready to move on, I'm not opposed to you having dates and spending time with potential romantic partners.
Just make sure that enough time has passed so that it doesn't look shallow to your ex and that you aren't dating just to try to make your ex feel jealous.
After you've given yourself time after the breakup - a minimum of a month, with most people needing more time - spending time with other people is natural and a positive step for you.
Another thing to consider is that if you are going on a date with someone just to try to make your ex jealous and you still really want your ex back, then you are using the person you are going on the date with.
That's not a good thing.
So having consideration for the other person is also a reason you should wait until an appropriate amount of time has passed.
Consider the dinner conversation if the person you are dating learns that you just got out of a serious relationship only days before.
What might that person think?
They will likely think that you aren't ready, that they could be a rebound, that you are using them to make your ex feel jealous, and who knows what else!
Here's the deal:
If your ex learns that you are dating, it could make him/her jealous.
If you've allowed enough time so that you are ready and so that it doesn't look like you are only doing it to make them jealous, it can be a positive thing.
But proceed with caution if you truly want your ex back.
You should avoid the very appearance of being manipulative or as though you are dating only to take a swipe at your ex.
If your ex believes that you are only putting on a show, you will only being demonstrating to them that they are still getting to you, that you are still trying to get them back, which will make you look weak and will void what you had accomplished during no contact in the first place.
An exception is if your ex was cheating on you or is already dating someone else.
In that case, there's no need to consider their feelings in the matter at all.
If you feel you are truly ready to date and move on (that you have given YOURSELF enough time), go for it.
To gain from my two decades in the relationship-recovery service, get my my Emergency Breakup Kit.