Some people point to no contact rule success stories (of people who used the no contact rule to get their ex back) and conclude that it works every single time.
It’s important that you understand that such a claim simply isn’t true.
The no contact rule doesn’t work every single time (what does), but I can tell you that it works in the majority of cases and I can give you some no contact success stories as well that show its high level of effectiveness.
I have had so many clients who seem skeptical when I tell them to start with use of the no contact rule to get their ex back, but when they see success fairly quickly, they are thrilled and think I’m a genius.
While adding themselves to the list of no contact success stories, they also learn a valuable lesson.
That lesson is:
If you want to know how to make your ex miss you, you need to look no further than the space you need to give them and the silence that is necessary for them to experience as well.
And the reason the no contact rule has success stories is because it does just that.
“When I set up my coaching call with Coach Lee, I was nervous and anxious. My boyfriend had broken up with me and I honestly thought he was gone for good. I thought Coach Lee would tell me some secret thing to say or some way to remind him of a story involving us that might re-spark his feelings for me. I was taken back when Coach Lee suggested I not contact him at all. It felt like I was doing nothing. Like I was giving up. But Coach Lee encouraged me with stories where it worked. I went over those stories in my head several times a day over the next week. It was in day eight that he reached out to me. I was ecstatic! I still smile when I think about it!” -Rebecca
Quite often, a no contact success story can be that simple and that effective.
Take a look at what Ida says below for your next no contact success story:
“My case was a bit complicated. Coach Lee suggested that a I tie up a few loose ends with my boyfriend and apologize for a couple of things. After that was squared away, Coach Lee suggested I go into no contact. It was crazy difficult. I wanted to text him or message him on Facebook, but one of my close friends had referred me to Coach Lee and in addition to seeing the success she had getting her boyfriend back with his help, I knew he had experience working with so many breakups whereas I only had experience with my own. I kind of felt like I just let go and trusted. On day 11, he texted me. I don’t want to say what he said because it was a special moment between us, but we had lunch two days later. We got back together and it was thanks to Coach Lee and the No Contact Rule!” -Ida
Most people aren’t strong enough to stay out of touch with their ex long enough to be added to the list of no contact rule success stories.
They fall prey to their desire to feel the presence of their ex and are suckered into seeing if they can spark something in them by reaching out.
If there hasn’t been enough time of no contact, the odds of any of that happening are close to zero.
No contact is an experience makes the following important things possible:
1. Your call or text is accepted with neutrality at worst and, hopefully, joy at best - because if you haven’t been bugging them by text or phone when they didn’t want to hear from you, then they aren’t going to be annoying by you contacting them.
2. Attraction for you increasing to the levels your ex felt when he/she wanted to be with you.
3. Your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend missing you to the point that they reach out to you or to where they are glad when you reach out.
It's not easy staying in no contact.
If you are in the middle of it, you know that to be true. The reason is because your own desires work against you.
You want to reach out to your ex because you think that any kind of connecting with them would feel great.
And you hope that opening the lines of communication will spur them to change their mind or feel what they used to feel for you.
I truly hope that you believe me when I say that such thinking is almost always untrue and will not result in success.
Simply communicating with your ex is not going to spark them to feel for you what you need them to feel to want to get back together.
Wanting to get back together is not the kind of thing that takes them by surprise.
It's not an impulse decision or change of heart that can be brought about by you talking to them or reminding them that you exist (trust me, your ex will not forget about you during no contact).
You need for your ex to feel the same level of difficulty that you feel (or greater). And if you reach out to them, you are only going to solidify yourself as a backup plan to whatever it is they think they might want to do in place of being with you.
By contacting them too soon you merely show them that they can take their time, date the field, "see the world," whatever it is they think they might want to do, and that you will be waiting on them IF they ever decide they want to give a relationship with you another shot.
Don't fall for it. Give yourself a chance to be a no contact rule success story.
People routinely ask me, "What is the success rate of the No Contact rule?"
I get it. This is important and before placing your faith in something that feels like giving up, you want to know how significantly your chances (or rate) of success will improve if you do.
Let me first say that it's impossible to put an exact rate or percentage on your odds of getting your ex back if you use the no contact rule.
There are many things to consider including the quality of the relationship in the mind of your ex, how long you two were together, the influence of others on their life, how much they value relationships and people, what facets of attraction exist currently along with when you two were together, if you two had lots of arguments, if you had different life goals, and so many others that it's pointless to continue to list them in this article.
What I can tell you is that generally speaking, the no contact rule is your best bet for reasons that I've mentioned in this article.
Doing the opposite is unlikely to work.
I witness that sad fact day after day when people lose their pose and break no contact because they want to feel some sort of presence of their ex.
It's a mirage in the desert and I hope you will leverage my professional experience by putting trust in what I have said in this article.
Though the details of your situation are fact dependent and there's not a one-size-fits-all plan to get your ex back, no contact is a response to a breakup that has a great many success stories to support its use.