Dumper's remorse is a concept that is very important to getting your ex back after a breakup.
In this video, I provide a definition of dumper's remorse and explain how you can contribute to causing it to happen or how you can unintentionally prevent it.
It's vital that you watch this video all the way through and then I highly recommend you thoroughly read this article.
So watch the video above all the way through and then begin the article below.
Take a second and SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube channel so that you can be notified when I have more videos like this on attraction, relationship dynamics, and breakups.
Let me assure you that you certainly need your ex or separated spouse to feel dumper's remorse if you want him/her to come back to you.
The video on this page along with the article will greatly help you to do that.
I spoke about this in some detail in my post entitled, "Make Your Ex Regret Leaving," and am providing this post as a compliment to it because it is a concept that is difficult for many to grasp or commit to because it involves a few things that are often extremely difficult for someone to do who has been dumped.
First of all, it requires that you leave the dumper alone.
In my line of work, I have the vantage point of seeing the obvious patterns after breakups and have no doubts as to the response that provides the best chance of getting an ex back.
I am often reminded, however, that hurting people who want their ex back and are seeking my help don't have that vantage point and often require some convincing.
Many of you are afraid to leave your ex alone.
"Terrified" might be a better word.
You are worried that your ex or separated spouse will forget about you if you don't reach out to them like you did when you two were together.
I would probably be worried about the same things if I were in your shoes and didn't have nearly two decades in the relationship recovery service.
In fact, before I started in the relationship-recovery service those two decades ago, I made the mistakes I now teach against.
Failure can be an outstanding teacher and coach.
I can tell you from thousands of cases to study and observe that if you want your ex to have remorse about leaving you and for them to want to come back, they have to feel remorse about giving you up.
This includes those who want to save a marriage.
That means that they have to wish they had not left you.
Not because of an ultimatum you gave or you selling their puppy (and certainly not because you played manipulative games with children you have with your ex).
That can cause or further fuel resentment from your ex or separated spouse and ensure that you never get them back.
In order for remorse to occur, your ex or separated spouse must feel the consequences of their decision.
Many of you tell me that you don't want them to hurt or feel that a negative situation is associated with you.
That's where my job is to convince you of the reality that only when your ex feels such negatives do they realize that it was their own decision that caused it.
It is at this point that your ex realizes thy still have feelings for you.
Some take longer than others to realize this and some might even get upset at you.
In the rare case that your ex gets upset at you, that doesn't mean that you were wrong to leave him/her alone.
Just because your ex gets upset at you doesn't mean they won't come back to you.
I get that such an idea is difficult to believe because you feel that you must do things to please and make your ex feel happiness.
My two decades and thousands of cases to study have shown that the exact opposite is true.
Your ex must experience the negatives in order to feel the remorse and regret needed for them to come back to you.
If everything was sunshine and rainbows for your ex after dumping you, there would be nothing to regret or feel remorseful about.
I have an article on the stages, grief cycle or timeline that a dumper will feel if you leave them alone.
Before your ex left you, the breakup was only a concept.
They hadn't experienced it yet but believed it is what they wanted.
If you want your ex to miss you (and believe me, you do if you want them to come back to you) then you can't be with them in person or be contacting them.
How can your ex miss you if you are still there?
If you stay in contact with your ex, you actually make it easier for them to move on.
Everyone is worried about their ex moving on and worry that if they leave their ex alone that moving on will happen.
Based on this article so far, you might have already guessed what I'm going to say next:
The opposite is true.
Yes, if you stay in contact with your ex, you allow them to have it both ways.
As an Italian client of mine once said to me, "You mean he gets to have his foot in one shoe and in the other?"
Yes, I think that's a great way to put it.
You enable your ex to get over you by removing the consequences of the breakup.
If you stay in contact you remove the consequences of the breakup so that your ex believes that he/she has the breakup but gets to keep you as well.
That makes it much easier for them to move on and it solidifies you as a back up plan in case they want you back at some point in the future.
If you are still "right there," your ex feels no anxiety over dating other people, going out to find flings, enjoying their life, and even moving to other places because you are easily gotten back if they ever decide they want that.
And you know what?
If your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, or spouse feels that you are easily gotten back after they dumped you, they are far less likely to want you back.
There would be no one and nothing to miss.
Nothing to feel remorseful over because there are no consequences for the breakup.
And, finally, no sense of loss because you won't leave them alone so that they can lose you.
I know that you are in an emotionally painful - even agonizing situation.
Giving into your pain, agony, and anxiety will only ensure that you are the one feeling the most negatives from the breakup.
Please read that previous sentence again!
Giving into your pain by contacting your ex will not get them back.
On the contrary, it will push them further away, further build their ego (dumping someone is quite the confidence booster) and lower your attraction.
So use the no contact rule so that you have the best chance of getting your ex back.
Getting your ex back takes patience, determination, and self control.
I've seen so many people do it and I know that you can as well.
If you want to dramatically increase your odds of getting your ex back, get my Emergency Breakup Kit immediately. That's how you can put together your strategy and fortify your emotions in order to have the best chance of getting your ex back.
I truly wish you the best.