I’m going to answer the question, “Did No Contact not work if my ex hasn’t contacted me?”
I suggest watching my video below and then continuing slowly and carefully through this article.
Wrong.
So it has been a while since your ex broke up with you and you have been using the no contact rule.
You have not been texting, calling, liking messages on social media, talking to your ex’s friends or anything that could let your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend feel pursuit or contact from you.
By doing this you have kept your current desires of getting your ex back a mystery.
And you have given your ex the breakup they said they wanted.
Your ex likely has missed you, but you haven’t heard from your ex during this no contact period.
You were hoping to make your ex miss you during this time, but you haven’t heard from him/her.
So now you’re wondering if no contact really works or at least if it worked in your case.
I don’t blame you, but I want to explain to you the other side of no contact that also helps you to get your ex back.
It’s like a back up plan for if your ex doesn’t respond completely to no contact.
What I mean by that is that I have little doubt your ex has missed you and has been curious about you during no contact.
They have probably even reflected on the breakup and have wondered if they did the right thing or not.
They probably had days where they really wanted to reach out to you to see how you were doing and even to tell you that they missed you.
Many times that happens from no contact.
Many times during no contact, an ex just can’t stand it anymore, regrets their decision to break up, and misses the other person so badly that they feel they must reach out.
But other times an ex can fear what we all fear to some degree.
Rejection.
That’s right, as ironic and even hypocritical as it seems, your ex might be afraid to reach out to you for fear that you will reject them.
Your ex might worry that you are angry at them for breaking up with you.
And since you have been doing no contact, your ex’s desire to see you has most likely increased, but possibly not to the point that they can overcome their fear.
While your ex has not been able to overcome their fear of rejection to the point that they can reach out to you, they have gotten to this point of missing you and wanting to get back together because of no contact.
It took that.
If you had begged, pleaded, and pursued them after they broke up with you, they likely would not be missing you at this point or even open to the idea of communicating with you.
In fact, your ex would probably be annoyed and even angry at you.
But since you used no contact, your ex is not annoyed by you.
So you have the option of reaching out to your ex without it causing damage.
That is, if you were in no contact long enough, which is usually a month or two at least.
So if you were to reach out to your ex, they would not see you as a nuisance or a continuing annoyance.
They would probably be happy to hear from you and wonder what has been going on with you.
That can be a great foot-in-the-door to see them face-to-face so that you can start to rekindle your relationship.
So it is not that no contact did not work if you have not heard from your ex.
In fact, no contact will often give you the opportunity to be able to reach out and your ex be a receptive audience.
Had you not used no contact, your ex would have looked at your text or call and it would have been nothing out of the ordinary and they would have plenty of practice ignoring you or telling you to leave them alone.
It would have been a nuisance to them.
They might have even blocked you.
By using the no contact rule, you prevent your ex from getting practice at rejecting you.
After the no contact window, there’s no annoyance or anger from your ex toward you, assuming the relationship was good, so there’s no reason that they would respond to your contact with a negative attitude.
In the video above this article, I explain further how no contact has more options to help you get your ex back than just your ex reaching out to you.
Gain from my two decades in the relationship-recovery service, get my Emergency Breakup Kit to have a great chance of getting your ex back. It's powerful and is so much more effective than simply going at it on your own, unguided.
-Coach Lee
