How To Deal With The Anxiety Of A Breakup



Be sure to watch the video above all the way through to ease your anxiety over a breakup or separation. Then, read the article below.

The emotional pain and anxiety after a breakup is like little if nothing else in life.

You may feel nervous, scared, in the depths of sorrow, rejected, anxious, and can often become depressed.

You wonder how the world continues to operate since your world feels like it has collapsed.

How do you deal with the anxiety of a breakup?

Whereas most of my articles here deal with getting an ex back following a breakup, this one is more on how to deal with the extremely difficult emotions and inner pain after a breakup.

While getting some control of your anxiety and self can help you make the right decisions and put the best version of yourself forward - which can help you get an ex back - this article is more focused on you being able to function and not feel as hopeless or heart broken.

First, some things to realize:

Hopefully these things will result in you feeling better faster:

You Always Have Time To Get Your Ex Back

After a breakup, people often get stuck in the incorrect thought that says the relationship is not salvageable or forever lost, but in reality, you almost always have more time than it feels.

Think about it, unless, God forbid, your ex dies or gets married, the potential exists for you two to get back together.

You simply have to be someone your ex has good memories of and doesn't resent.

That’s why it’s important that you, in your emotional state, not pester or beg your ex to come back. 

It's important that you leave your ex alone.

Allow yourself to calm down some and fight against your anxiety in knowing that just because you aren’t together right now does not mean it’s over forever.

Tell yourself, “There’s always time.”

Say it out loud.

Repeat it to yourself when you need encouragement.

It's true.

Your Ex Is Hurting, Too

Many people find encouragement and comfort in knowing that their ex is almost certainly hurting from the breakup as well.

When you’ve just been dumped, it often feels like your ex is cold, heartless, and no longer feels anything for you.

Is Your Ex's Heart Cold?

People often question whether their ex even loved them at all.

That’s because of the rejection aspect of a breakup.

It feels like an attack.

But the reality is that very rarely is anyone certain of a breakup.

It’s usually done in spite of doubts.

While this can be used to your advantage, it can also be used for your encouragement.

It’s not an all or nothing and, if you were with this person for more than a couple of months, they still care about you.

You aren’t alone in feeling that you miss them and hurt for the relationship.

That IS NOT a reason to reach out. See my article on using the no contact rule to learn why and what to do.

Things To Do To Overcome The Anxiety Of A Breakup

Breathing exercises can’t be overemphasized.

They can be incredibly helpful with breakup anxiety like what you feel right now.

Breathe slowly and use your belly to hold your air.

Inhale deeply and slowly as your belly expands for 8 to 10 seconds.

Then exhale for that amount of time.

Do this for a few minutes when you feel the anxiety coming on.

Focus only on breathing as though the entire universe existed in the breath you are currently taking.

Talk to friends about the breakup.

You likely know the ones you can confide in, the ones you can cry in front of (but be careful, because whatever you say can get back to your ex - it's best to speak to friends who are NOT mutual friends with your ex).

Get it out.

Share your frustration, heartbreak, and confusion with them.

But don’t do this with your ex under any circumstances.

That’s not the side of you they need to see right now and I get into that more in other articles.


Ask whatever higher power you believe in to help you feel better, to give you strength, and that doors be opened up for the possibility of the two of you getting back together.

AND that no matter what, that you be given the strength to move on.

I know you don’t want to ask for that last part, but by the third time it’s easier and you will feel stronger, which will help you get your ex back.

Have fun with your friends.

Go out and laugh, goof off, smile, and take a night off from the breakup.

You deserve it. Take a night off.

Practice Directed Laughter

Laugh out loud.

Though you likely don't think that any of this is funny - and it's not - laugh anyway.

This is something that I have used personally and have guided my clients to do.

You will likely be amazed at how much it will help. 

I would say that I developed it, but since it's just laughing, I guess that would be a bit much.

The idea is that whenever you are feeling anxiety about the breakup that you say something like, "Whatever," and start laughing.

Sure, the laughing will be fake at first. 

It will be forced, but that's okay. 

The more you do it the more it will start to help and actually even seem funny.

Your mind and emotions respond in a very interesting way when you laugh. 

The assumption that is programmed into you is that when you are laughing you are happy.

So your brain starts producing chemicals that help you feel that way.

It's like hacking your own brain to help you feel better.

Heck, even laugh at what a stupid mistake your ex made and how funny it will be when they come to their senses!

One of my friends got so much help from directed laughter that I actually had to tell him to cut back on it a bit!

But he used it and really got a lot out of it to the point that he uses it to this day for anxiety about anything in life.

That tip in particular is a favorite among my clients and many talk about how much it has helped them beyond other things that they have tried. 

These things should help.

Read this article at least once more as most people report lower anxiety after a break up just by reading it.

Also, watch the video above since I provide 7 tips on decreasing the anxiety (sometimes to zero) and they aren't all mentioned in this article.

There is hope.

Both for getting back together with your ex and for you to feel better.

Be patient with yourself.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Gain from my two decades in the relationship-recovery service, get my Emergency Breakup Kit to have a great chance of getting your ex back. It's powerful and is so much more effective than simply going at it on your own, unguided. 

At the top of this article you'll find a video about calming and overcoming anxiety. I highly suggest you watch all the way through.

Focus on steady, slow breathing as you watch and listen.

I truly care and want to help. Join my mailing list to be notified when my new course on anxiety is available.

-Coach Lee
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