How To Write A Clean Slate Message To Your Ex (And When)

I’m going to show you how to write a clean slate message to send to your ex and I'll tell you when you should do it.

I often also refer to it as a reset message and that is because what I’m going to show you is often effective to reset how your ex views you after you responded poorly to a breakup.

Note: Another type of letter people often write to their ex is a Closure Letter and it is different from the letter discussed in this post.

When You Should Send A Clean Slate Message To Your Ex

You should consider sending your ex a clean-slate message or letter if you responded poorly when they broke up with you by any of the following:

  • begging
  • pleading
  • showing up where they work/live to “talk”
  • wouldn’t leave them alone by continuing to call, text, or communicate otherwise
  • yelling, anger, confronting the person in their rebound relationship
  • name calling/insulting
  • lying about them to someone else
  • damage of property
  • confronting your ex’s family or friends with requests to speak to your ex on your behalf about getting back together (if your ex is aware this happened)

Just because some of those things happened doesn’t mean you have to send a Clean Slate message or Reset Message.

But if you know that you crossed a line that could cause your ex to see you as being immature, pathetic, selfish, mean, or creepy, you should consider writing a Clean Slate Message if you want them back.

Here’s why:

A Reset Message (a.k.a. Clean Slate Message or Accountability Letter to an ex) shows your ex that you recognize that how you responded:

  • wasn’t appropriate
  • was out of character for you
  • isn’t something you’ll do again

It serves notice to your ex that you are disowning your response to the breakup.

You are asking your ex not to hold it against you and most of the time they are able to let it go.

That doesn’t mean that they’ll want to get back together right away.

What it does mean is that your ex doesn’t see you as your response to the breakup.

They place you back in the emotionally healthy category since you recognize that you shouldn’t have responded that way.

It’s far different than allowing your ex to continue to believe that you think your actions were appropriate, deserved, or normal.

As simple of a thing as it seems, a Clean Slate Message (or Reset Message) can work wonders if it’s truly necessary.

Again - if it's truly necessary.

How To Write A Reset Message or Letter To Get Your Ex Back

This might disappoint those of you who are artists, but this type of message isn’t supposed to be long and poetic at all.

It’s not supposed to be an effort to reignite your ex’s feelings for you - at least not yet.

Your ex doesn’t need anything complicated, awkward, or time consuming from you.

That’s part of why you’re having to write this Clean Slate message to begin with (in this case, a Clean Slate Text).

Brevity is the key to successful communication. 

So you keep it short and simple.

1. Use your ex’s name, not a pet name (I'm serious) that you used when you two were together.

2. Say that you are sorry for the way you responded to the breakup.

No need for more details than that.

You don’t want to remind them of every detail of your response to the breakup either.

Hopefully they’ve forgot some of it!

3. Tell your ex that you respect their decision and that you wish them the best going forward.

Text it. Sign it. Email it or snail mail it. Then go into No Contact.

Your Ex’s Response To Your Clean Slate Message Or Letter

If you texted the message, your ex might text back.

Be prepared for their response to be casual and simple since that is most common.

Remember, I said that this text message (or letter) wasn’t designed to get your ex back right away.

It’s part of your “long game” to get your ex back.

Your ex might only say “thanks” and that they wish you the best too.

I know that might sting since I also know that you are hoping for this message to get your ex back.

I get it, and I'm not telling you that you shouldn't hope for that.

I have seen a it result in a couple meeting up and taking the first steps of getting back together.

But know that it is unlikely at this point for that to happen.

Don't be discouraged though, because this is a step toward getting what you want.

Your ex might apologize for the breakup or tell you how they want to stay friends or still care about you in some complicated way.

Your ex might say that he/she is over you.

You don’t have to respond and it’s best if you don’t unless they ask you a direct question.

Otherwise there’s no need and you risk undoing what you just did.

Back off and go no contact so that you have a good chance of getting your ex back.

So that’s how you write a Clean Slate or Reset Message to your ex.

Gain from my two decades in the relationship-recovery service so that you can have the best chance possible of getting your ex back! To do that, get my Emergency Breakup Kit!


-Coach Lee
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